


our mess (our love) ou stardust

by pansexualdisaster



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Established Sirius Black/Remus Lupin, M/M, Pregnant Sirius Black, Trans, Trans Male Character, Two Fathers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2021-01-23
Updated: 2021-01-23
Packaged: 2021-03-14 18:29:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/28925115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pansexualdisaster/pseuds/pansexualdisaster
Summary: Sirius is in love with Remus, Remus is in love with Sirius, and Sirius is pregnant with Remus' child.
Relationships: Sirius Black/Remus Lupin
Comments: 9
Kudos: 45





	our mess (our love) ou stardust

“Do you know what I love most about you ?”

Remus, who had had his face laying on his arm up until then, facing not Sirius but the other way, had turned around, to be able to look at him. He opened his eyes, and in his eyes, Sirius found a question. What do you love about me, Sirius Black ? Sirius smiled. Shit, he truly was in love with him. 

“I love that I look at you, I’m looking at you, right now, and then boom, I’m in love with you. I’m in love with you for real. And it’s not the first time, it’s every damn time I look at you. You’re gorgeous.” 

With his index finger, Sirius traces lines between Remus’ moles, just like that one kids’ game, in which you’re supposed to draw lines between dots, and then an image appears. The are

“There are constellations in your skin. Fucking… fucking nebulas in your eyes, my love. I… I don’t know. Your skin is gold. I would like… to be able to kiss each and every square millimeter of your skin, and when I would be done, do this again, and again, and again, and again. Until the universe would collapse.”

Remus gets up on his elbows, and puts his face in his hands. He smiles so hard that if he does not stop, in a couple minutes it will hurt his cheeks. His belly is still pressed against the mattress, and Sirius’ fingers are still tracing patterns on his skin. Under his fingers, Remus’ skin tingles. 

“And don’t I get a say in that ?”

“Would you mind it so much, my love ?”

Remus chuckles, and lowers his head shyly. He does not kiss him, but he wants to. He remembers all the times he wanted to kiss him, but could have never hoped for it to happen, and here he is, waking up to Sirius Black. It’s not everyday, of course not, but it’s good enough, he can work with that. Sometimes they make love. Sometimes they kiss. Sometimes Sirius calls him his love, and he gets butterflies everytime. 

“No, you know I wouldn't mind it.”

“Good, then it’s settled.”

At some point, Sirius did not dare call him Remus. He would call him Moony, Moon’, or Rem, but never Remus, that would have been giving him too much power, as if he did not have enough over him already. But when he told him he was in love with him, he said “Remus, I’m in love with you”. Then he had started calling him his love. Because he was, he was his great, true love. It would never be anyone else, it would forever be him, he could have done anything for him, and he would. 

Maybe that’s why James had known what he was going to announce, when Sirius had told him. Because he said “hey, James, you know, Remus and I”, he said Remus’ name. To Walburga, when she had come one final time to Hogwarts, when she had come one final time in his life, he had said “You can’t do shit about it mom, I’ve been and I will remain in love with Remus.”. He had not seen her since then. Maybe that’s when he had realized that Remus’ name had not lost its power, that he had just made it his own, and that loving Remus made him capable of so much, and made him stronger. That it could not be used as a weakness, or against him in any way. 

Remus’ head rose, and he leaned in to kiss Sirius. 

He could stop himself, and get himself to not do it, he did not have to do it, and he liked to wait until it physically pained him not to be kissing him, because then it reminded him that he could, at any given moment. Because they were each other’s now. Because, even though they were not bound by marriage, they were bound. And they both knew it, and maybe they had been bound since before they had confessed to one another, but they were bound like soulmates, if the word soulmate could be any stronger. 

He loved kissing Sirius. 

The both laid on their side now, facing each other, speaking without words, caressing each other’s skin, kissing each other’s hands, then arms, then face, then biting a lip, then moaning into each other’s mouth. The light, filtered by the curtains came from behind Remus, making him look like an angel to Remus, and bathing Sirius’ caramel skin in all her glory. Maybe they would make love. 

Remus pulled Sirius closer to him, and they became one entangled mess of arms and legs, still kissing, and sometimes when Remus would bite on his lip just right, Sirius’ nails would get into his back, and he would moan again. He pulled Sirius closer. One or the other wondered why or how it had gotten steamier in just a minute, and it made them smile in the kiss. Sirius was now on top of Remus. 

They were both wearing only boxers, and in the moment, as Remus was half-hard, the world around him stopped, and he stopped, awe-struck by Sirius’ beauty. His top surgery scars were apparent, which was not a surprise, because he loved them. Remus loved them too. Sirius, just like that, in just that moment, was so beautiful. Their lips parted for a moment. 

“You’re so beautiful.”

“Beautiful is subjective and always changeant my love” answered Sirius, panting a little bit “and right now, you're just about the most beautiful thing I was ever given to lay eyes upon."

"Am I now ?" said Remus, teasingly. 

He started running his fingers on Sirius' thigh, then inner thigh, and the latter was growing aroused. He could see the satisfaction in his lover's eyes as he groaned, but he stopped him nonetheless. Next thing Remus knew, Sirius was laying next to him, instead of grinding very slowing on top of him.

"Actually… I have something to tell you."

Remus stopped immediately and just let his hand rest on Sirius's hip, his head in his hand, waiting for him to continue. He knew he could trust him, weren't they bound after all ? But still… He could not help but be anxious. 

"It's nothing that will hurt you I promise."

The last of the Black had chosen his words carefully. He had not said it wasn't something bad, because maybe to Remus it would be. Oh, shit, that's why he had not said it before he had had confirmation, that's why he had triple checked them gone to the doctor's office. He did not want to have to work up the courage to say it if it wasn't sure… But now he was. 

"I… please, don't take it the wrong way, and please don't panic, ok ?"

It was exactly the type of thing that would make Remus panic. He tried to calm down, he breathed in deeply, and out even deeper. 

"Ok, there's no right or wrong way to say it so I'm just… going to say it, ok ?"

Yet, he paused again, and the atmosphere grew tenser.

"Shit this is getting worse by the second. Here we go. Remus I Am Pregnant And As You Are The Only Person I'm Having Sex or Have Ever Had Sex With, You Are The Father."

He had detached every word, to be sure he would not have to repeat them ever again, and in the same breath, because if he had stopped before the end of the sentence, he would probably have never opened his mouth again. It felt like a weight had been lifted from his shoulders, still. He was pregnant with Remus' child. Fuck. If Remus had been family before, in a different way than Peter, and in another different type of way compared to James, this, whatever was going to happen, was pushing it further, and that was terrifying. 

He waited for an answer, eyes wanting to dive in Remus' to try and read him or his reaction, but at the same time darting away, because he was terrified. 

He waited what he counted to be four seconds (one Mississippi… two Mississippi…) yet felt like eighty nine years for a reaction, before Remus carefully embraced him as though he was afraid to break the raven haired boy, or the tiny life that was inside of him. 

"Merlin I don't know if I've ever been this actually, completely terrified."

Sirius said nothing. Shit, this couldn't be good now, could it ? Though he was trembling with fear, the boy knew he would not - because he could not - get rid of the little life inside of him. Not that he was against abortion in any shape or form, he was glad he had gotten the choice, although he had quickly made his, but because he knew he would never create anything more perfect, and because this living being to be was the perfect combination and living manifestation of he and Remus' love. He wanted something so pure yet chaotic to be showcased to the world, to be able to grace the Earth everybody. For that, if Remus were to ask him to get rid of it, he would leave. That was the only reason possible. 

"Morgana, Padfoot, please tell me you are going to think of the best nickname for them when they grow up. Please let them grow up alongside me."

Sirius closed his eyes and held Remus so close they could have melted together with nothing but a wink of Fate.

"If not you, who else ?"

Again, Sirius was going to have a family. Again, he would risk it all for them, for his kid and the love of his life. Tears were starting to well up in his eyes as Remus crushed him, carefully avoiding his tensing belly. He was terrified, but it would be worth it, because he would never love anyone the way he did Remus.

The latter giggled like a tired thud crying child. 

Sirius pulled away, a question mark in his eyes. 

Remus let out a choked sob. 

"It's our first family hug !"

They stayed there long, Sirius kissing Remus' forehead, Remus kissing Sirius' belly, the two of them kissing one another.


End file.
